I feel like you and I are on a fairly “friend”ly level, right? I can tell you secrets, talk about my feelings, what’s new in my life, who I’m crushing on (my handsome man), right? That’s what friends do.
Lately, I’ve been feeling as though things in my life have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs. My emotions have been taking over and I am so sensitive (I am usually super sensitive, but lately, more than ever). If you’re a woman, you’d know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that the mood swings were kicking in like puberty in your teens. And no, its not because of my period. Why do women do that anyway? “Leave me alone! I’m have my period.” or “I have my period that’s why I’ve been eating ice cream like a beast! I’m allowed to, okay?”. OMG, no. Funny, I say that pretty often to my family and boyfriend (Paula, you hypocrite). My bad, guys. I have my period. Jokes. Hahaha, okay enough.
So I started university on Monday. Its been good to see all my friends at campus again and be in the same classes as my very good friend, Courtney (go stalk her. She loves long walks on the beach and romantic sunsets. Oh, and cuddles!). We’re inseparable at campus. People have been asking me what year I’m in now and if I finish off my studies this year. Unfortunately, I don’t. I failed a particular module in my second year (2013) and had to repeat it last year (meh) which set me back because I couldn’t do certain third year modules without finishing that particular module first. You can’t do any fourth year modules without completing all of the third year modules, which is what I am doing this year. I have about three modules this semester, and two in the following semester.There we have it, I am a second third year student. I’ll probably find a job somewhere in the second semester so I can make some cash moola to go out and spoil those I love. And for le blog (I need to stop saying “le”. Soon I’ll be writing it in tests or exams instead of “the”).
I was thinking about the death of Simba (for those of you who are reading this right now and have no cooking clue who I’m talking about – the Top Billing presenter who passed away recently due to a car accident on his way to OR Tambo) and how tragic it was to hear about it. I woke up on the morning after his death, checked my notifications and it said “so and so is tweeting about #RIPSimba.” I really wanted to know who passed away so I checked out Twitter and was so shocked. I had just watched the last Top Billing episode that Thursday and couldn’t believe that this amazing presenter whom I’ve come to love watching, just passed away. Obviously I don’t know him personally, but he seemed like such a bubbly, warm-hearted person with a heart of gold. May his soul rest in peace.
Forgive and Move on
Simba’s bestie, Jonathan Boyton-Lee, called him his brother. Then I thought about my brothers and the rest of my family. Which obviously led me to think about my friends and boyfriend. Basically everyone who I love and care about (I’m a huge over thinker). What if someone you love and care so much about just never comes back? I always think of that after I have an argument with someone and then they leave. I am a very stubborn woman. I won’t say sorry until hours or days later (childish, I know). What if the last thing I said to them was so mean? It would kill me to know that the last thing I said was something so nasty and then having to live with that ugly feeling of never being able to say sorry to that person. These thoughts of death have been so vivid lately that it’s starting to make me worry about each time someone leaves me. What if that was the last time we spoke? I decided to speak to God about it in church the following Sunday and ask Him to remove all thoughts of death and sorrow. Immediately, I felt the presence of God and this amazing feeling of love. With my eyes closed, I imagined God holding me and just stroking my hair as I nestled into His chest. That’s when I was reassured that God loves me, and He loves all those in my life. He will take care of all those in my life. I no longer need to be a bit of a psychopath whenever someone leaves me and takes off because I know that just as God allows me to nestle into His chest, He allows all to nestle into His chest. He keeps me safe in His arms and will do the very same for everyone else. Shoo! That took a weight off my chest.
If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen I posted a photo of myself with the caption “filming”. Yes, that’s right. I am starting my YouTube videos this year. It may be this month or this week. I’ll decide soon but I will definitely let you know. I am so excited! YouTube is something I’ve been wanting to do since I was in grade 11 (2010) but kept putting on hold because I didn’t have a macbook, video camera, or makeup. That has all changed now and I can finally start. So stay tuned (lol, how cheesy) for more information about my channel and when the first video will be coming out!
Photographer: Lorenzo Lakay